Finding the Right Sponsor
Identifying Your Needs
Your journey is unique, and so should be your sponsor. Understand your personal needs and preferences. Are you looking for someone with a specific experience, approach, or gender? Reflect on these aspects before you begin your search.
Where to Look
Sponsors are often found within support groups, but don’t be afraid to think outside the box. Ask friends in recovery, attend different group meetings, or even explore online forums. Imagine your potential sponsor as a lighthouse, guiding you; you just have to find the shore they're standing on.
Sponsorship is not just a guide on a path, it's a dance where both partners learn, grow, and sometimes, change direction.
When you are at a 12 step meeting and you relate with somebody who is sharing their story, you can ask them to sponsor you. Don't overthink this part. Asking somebody to be your sponsor is not a lifelong contract. In fact, they'll likely temporarily sponsor you until you can both sit down and have a conversation about your expectations from each other.
Nurturing the Relationship
Effective Communication
A thriving sponsorship isn't just about guidance; it's a dynamic dance where both partners must be in sync. Share openly, listen actively, and foster trust through honesty.
Setting Boundaries
Like gardeners tending to a delicate plant, you and your sponsor must nurture your relationship with clear boundaries. Discuss expectations, limitations, and ensure that both parties feel comfortable with the relationship's structure.
How to Fire Your Sponsor
Recognizing When It’s Time
Sometimes, the magical carpet ride of sponsorship hits turbulence. Recognizing signs of dissatisfaction, unmet needs, or ethical concerns is crucial. It's not a failure; it's a sign of growth and self-awareness. Your sponsor should have something you want, and if your wants/needs change, that's OK. Moving on from your current sponsor is not something to be ashamed of.
Think of "firing" your sponsor as "moving on from" your sponsor. They helped get you to this point, and now it's time for someone else to help get you to the next point. This is how sponsorship works.
The Breakup: A Delicate Art
Breaking up with a sponsor isn’t about burning bridges; it's about building new pathways. Approach the conversation with empathy and clarity. Remember, your recovery journey is like a piece of art, and sometimes, you need to change brushes to create the masterpiece you envision.
Have an open and honest conversation about your needs. If they are working their 12 step program properly, they won't take it personally. Stay friendly, even if you don't want to. In recovery, we learn that our feelings don't need to control our actions.
Finding a New Sponsor
Assessing What Went Wrong
Reflecting on your previous sponsorship can be like peeling back layers of an onion, each layer offering insights and lessons. Understand what didn't work to help guide your next choice.
- What did they do right?
- What could they have done better?
- What did you not do that you will do next time?
The Adventure of Starting Fresh
Finding a new sponsor is like embarking on a new adventure. Be open, be curious, and embrace the exploration. Your new sponsor might just be around a corner you've never turned before. Every person looks at reality differently. You're simply looking for a new teacher.
Conclusion
The journey of finding and working with a sponsor is filled with twists, turns, creativity, and growth. It’s an ever-evolving relationship that requires care, courage, and sometimes, change.