Introduction
Sponsorship is a vital aspect of many 12-step programs. But what exactly is a sponsor, and how do you choose the right one?
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."
- Tori Amos
This article will answer some of the more common questions about finding a sponsor.
What Is a Sponsor? Understanding Their Job
A sponsor is someone who guides you through the 12-step program. Their primary job is to:
- Provide support and encouragement
- Share their own experiences
- Assist in understanding and working through the 12 steps
Does Everybody Sponsor the Same Way?
No, sponsorship styles vary. Some sponsors may be more hands-on, while others are more laid back. Finding a sponsor whose approach resonates with you is crucial.
What to Look for in a Sponsor?
When looking for a sponsor, consider the following:
- Their experience with the 12 steps
- Their availability and willingness to meet regularly
- Compatibility with your personality and recovery needs
- Make sure they currently have a sponsor
- Their ability to call you out on your behaviour in order for you to grow
- They attend meetings regularly
Do They Need to Be in the Same Fellowship as Me?
No, they do not need to be in the same fellowship as you. Your sponsor may come from AA but you may regularly attend CA.
Should They Be the Same Sex or Opposite Sex?
The Big Book doesn’t explicitly dictate the gender of a sponsor, but many advise choosing a sponsor of the same sex to avoid potential complications or distractions.
What Does the Big Book Say About Sponsorship?
It emphasizes the importance of one alcoholic (or addict) helping another, sharing experience, strength, and hope.
How to Ask Somebody to Be My Sponsor?
Approaching someone to be your sponsor can feel intimidating, but remember, they've likely been in your shoes before. Start by getting to know them at meetings, understanding their approach to the program, and ensuring they align with your needs. Then, simply ask them in private, "Would you be willing to be my sponsor?" Be clear about your expectations and listen to what they expect in return.
What if They Say No?
Hearing "no" can be disheartening, but it's essential to remember that it's not a rejection of you personally. A potential sponsor might say no for various reasons, such as time commitments or feeling they aren't the right fit for your needs. Thank them for their honesty and continue to seek out someone who has the time, experience, and approach that resonates with you. Don't be discouraged; finding the right sponsor may take time, but it's a vital step in your recovery journey.
Conclusion
A sponsor plays a significant role in recovery, offering support and guidance through the 12 steps. Choosing the right sponsor is a personal decision, guided by your unique needs, the traditions of your fellowship, and the principles outlined in the Big Book.